Daughter of Queen Anne Boleyn (known as "Great Whore") and King Henry VIII (the greedy ginger dude who went through six wives), Elizabeth's childhood- as well as her very existence- was tenuous and wavering. Her mother's fall from favor and death (by a French swordsman, no less) left her with a stigma that would follow her throughout her life.
At the age of two, the toddler was declared a royal bastard and sent off to live in the English countryside with her own household. She was educated very well and turned out to be one smart cookie. From a very early age, she was taught Latin, Greek, Spanish French, philosophy, history, and mathematics (humanist education, y'all). One of her tutors, Robert Ascham, considered her the brightest student he'd ever encountered. She was also a skilled poet and composer, played several musical instruments, created art, and was a complete boss at needlework. She went through periods of being legitimized and illegitimized, whichever status better suited her father politically at the time. These fluctuations didn't really affect her day-to-day life aside from slight adjustments in allowance and appearances at court, but they definitely took their toll on her self-esteem and relationship with her ever-volatile father. Luckily, she was one of those remarkably rare people that didn't shrink from adversity and made the conscious decision to figure out how she could use it to her advantage. In short, she was a complete boss, and she will always be my #wcw.
Like bell-bottoms, but for the arms.
Elizabeth grew up Protestant, mostly to please her father who broke off from the Catholic Church so he could get hitched with Anne Boleyn. This became a serious issue after the death of her younger brother Edward VI, who had become king after the death of their father (one of the greatest jerk-wads in history), Henry VIII. Since the Tudor line had run out of legitimate male heirs (and beheaded the next semi-legitimate heir, Lady Jane Grey, after 9 days as queen), Elizabeth's older, super-mega-ultra Catholic sister named Mary took the throne. Now, I'd like to point out that there's nothing wrong with being Catholic; I'm a Catholic myself and pretty dang proud of it. However, she subscribed to militant Catholicism (much like her future husband, Philip III of Spain). Because of this, she grew incredibly paranoid that her sister would lead a Protestant uprising against her and treated Elizabeth incredibly cruelly as a result, nearly killing her at certain points. There'll be another blog post about Mary later, so you'll hear all about her insanity and how she thought she was preggo and ended up dying instead. Whoops. Anyways, all that's important for now is that she killed a lot of people, everyone hated her, and eventually she died- at which point Elizabeth FINALLY took the throne.
Just look at that ermine trim. So regal. So fab.
Elizabeth became known as the Virgin Queen because- after her coronation- she pretty much told her advisors to shove it when they told her she needed a husband. HOWEVER, this is not to say that she wasn't attracted to the menfolk (gah, the word "menfolk" should totally be used more often). In fact, she was in love (*cue third-grade me screaming, "She's in looooooooooooooove"*) with her best friend from childhood, Robert "Robin" Dudley. However, their marriage wasn't politically possible, even though she promoted him to Master of the Horse (hey, at least it's not Master of the Toilet- which actually existed AS A COVETED POSITION) and gave him the title of Earl of Leicester.
A match made in heaven, right? #sorrynotsorry
Robert ended up marrying some blonde named Amy, who was known as being nice but incredibly bland. They rarely saw each other, and she reportedly developed something resembling breast cancer a couple years into their marriage. However, she didn't die from this cancer-like issue; rather, she was found at the bottom of a tall staircase with a broken neck and two wounds to the head. The coroner found it to be an accident, but most considered (and continue to consider) her death to be either arranged murder or suicide.
Since Robert and Elizabeth still couldn't (or wouldn't, since she flat-out refused any and all suitors) marry, he eventually remarried a young woman (11 years younger than him) named Lettice Knollys. She remarkably resembled Elizabeth, which didn't escape the queen's notice. And yes, by "remarkably resembled," I mean that they both had flaming red hair and looked nice in poofy dresses. The queen hated her- most likely out of jealousy- and made her appearance at court a rare occasion.
Her reign was one of the most politically, economically, and militarily successful periods England has ever experienced. She finally created a compromise between the polarized Catholics and Protestants in England, established incredibly profitable voyages of discovery to America and India, and defeated the supposedly unbeatable Spanish Armada (of course, the storm that prevented the cray-cray Spaniards from attacking may have helped a bit). She defied all odds and became one of the greatest monarchs of ever. And as a single woman, no less. Heck, her rule even inspired new terms for the period- the Elizabethan Era, the Golden Age of England, etc. So yeah, she's a total boss.
She also had some pretty rad currency.
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