Sunday, July 20, 2014

Cleopatra: Snakes and Inbreeding

We've all heard of the great Cleopatra, but how much of what we've heard is true?

The woman's been portrayed for centuries in just about every medium possible (and with just about every face possible, too). She's been blonde, brunette, green-eyed, brown-eyed, African, Greek, frumpy, and sexy. Who really was she?


Scholars still debate what she looked like. Some justify a blonde-haired, blue-eyed aesthetic with her strong Macedonian ancestry. Others claim that she looked similar to Egyptians of the day with tanned skin and dark hair and eyes.

Cleopatra VII was born in 69 BC and died in 30 BC. Little is known about her early years. She was born to Ptolemy XII Neos Dionysos (quite the name, I know), who ruled Egypt from 80 BC until his death in 51 BC. He was a raging alcoholic (hence his dedication to Dionysos, the god of wine, and his nickname, Aelutes, because he pulled out flutes and played whenever he got hammered) and a mediocre statesman. The identity of her mother is not known for certain, but most historians agree that she was Cleopatra Tryphaena V, one of Ptolemy's wives. Who also happened to be his sister. So yeah, inbreeding.

Cleopatra had several siblings, each slightly treacherous in their own way. Cleopatra's eldest sibling was also her name buddy- Cleopatra Tryphaena VI. She siezed the throne while her father was visiting Rome and ruled Egypt in his absence from 58 to 57 BC. She was murdered by her father's supporters. The second daughter of Ptolemy XII, Berenice, took control of Egypt after her elder sister's death; she, too, was killed on her father's orders. Cleopatra Philopator VII (the important one) became queen at age 18; she was smart enough to wait until her father keeled over of old age before taking the throne. Good job, Cleo. Following Ptolemaic dynastic law, Cleopatra married her younger brother, Ptolemy XIII, and ruled jointly with him. As a tween, this guy ordered the execution of Pompey the Great. He eventually drowned in the Nile from the weight of his golden breastplate during a battle against Caesar. Cleopatra then went on to wed her youngest brother, Ptolemy XIV (seriously, these guys had problems choosing baby names). He died suddenly (accidentally?), which allowed Cleopatra to rule jointly with her three-year-old son (who also happened to be the son of Caesar, an affair we'll discuss later), whose name was- big surprise here- Ptolemy XV, also called Caesarion ("Little Caesar"). During this time, Cleopatra also had her little sister, Arsinoe, imprisoned and sent to Rome, where she was paraded through the streets in chains and murdered; this action secured Cleopatra's claim to the throne.

Seriously, though. Even their names were inbred. (#sorrynotsorry)

Cleopatra was pretty dang cool for several reasons, one of which being her talent in linguistics. She spoke at least nine languages fluently, including Egyptian. Believe it or not, Cleo was the first ruler in the entire Ptolemaic DYNASTY to learn the language of her people. As you can probably imagine, this made her more popular with the commoners, who saw her as the human incarnation of the goddess Isis.

Plutarch, one of the great biographers of antiquity, wrote, "It was a pleasure to hear the sound of her voice, with which, like an instrument of many strings, she could pass from one language to another, so that there were few of the barbarian nations that she answered by an interpreter; to most of them she spoke herself, as to the Ethiopians, Troglodytes, Hebrews, Arabians, Syrians, Medes, Parthians, and many others whose language she had learnt." In short, she could conduct business and treaties with other nations WITH NO INTERPRETER, THEREFORE REDUCING THE CHANCE THAT SHE AND/OR THE ENTIRETY OF FREAKING EGYPT COULD BE TRICKED OR TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY A FOREIGN ENTITY. HOLLA. Plus, her people actually liked her. Suck it, Caesar! 

Now, onto her infamous love affairs! 

Some background info: Julius Caesar was a Roman statesman and general who helped turn Rome from a republic to a gigantic empire. In other words, he was one of the most powerful men on the entire planet at the time. When he and Cleopatra met, he was in his early fifties, and she was only 21. Their story is an odd one; she basically rolled herself up into a giant carpet and had herself delivered to his room. Nine months later, Cleopatra gave birth to their son. 

Marc Antony, a good friend of Julius Caesar, also happened to be smitten with Cleopatra. They ended up having twins, Alexander Helios and Cleopatra Selene II (yes, another freaking Cleopatra). Marc Antony and Cleopatra married in the Egyptian rite, despite the fact that he already had a couple wives, one of whom, Octavia,  happened to be the sister of Octavian....who happened to also be known as Augustus...the Emperor of Rome. Anyways, when he ditched the Roman chick Octavia, he also ditched his alliance with her brother, the emperor. 

In short, Marc Antony's armies deserted him for Emperor Augustus, Cleopatra felt bad, she sent messengers to tell him that she was dead, he stabbed himself out of grief, Cleo dragged him up to her room, tore her clothes, engaged in self-mutilation, etc. His dying wish was to have a glass of wine, and he died upon finishing it. Cleopatra then committed suicide. Although other theories do exist, the most popular theory is that she allowed an Egyptian cobra to bite her on the breast, dying at the age of 39.


Her son by Caesar, Caesarian, was murdered by Emperor Augustus. In a strange twist of fate, Cleopatra's other three children (all fathered by Marc Antony) were sent to Rome to be raised by Octavia, Marc Antony's ex. Both boys- Alexander and Ptolemy- disappeared under mysterious circumstances, but their sister managed to survive and marry King Juba II of Mauretania, bearing him two children, Drusilla and yet another Ptolemy.

Cool connection time: Some accounts show that Drusilla (Cleopatra's granddaughter) married a dude named Marcus Antonius Felix, the Roman governor of Judea. While in court, she and her husband listened to the testimony of the Apostle Paul, who was on trial for his belief in Jesus Christ (Acts 24:24). SO COOL, RIGHT?! 
Also, after Cleopatra's suicide, Octavian (AKA Emperor Augustus) appointed himself Egypt's new pharaoh. Thirty years later, he became linked with the birth of Jesus Christ as recorded in the Bible: "In those days, Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world" (Luke 1:2). EVERYTHING'S CONNECTED.

Sometimes I can't even. I just can't. TOO MUCH. If you're not hyperventilating and/or jumping around the room right now, you're not as excited as you should be about history. 

So yeah, Cleopatra. Pretty cool, am I right?

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